"But You're a Trainer, Shouldn't You Be a Size 0?"

Yes, I have actually been asked this before. No, I didn't punch him in the face.

This used to really bother me and I would take it personally. Now, I don't take it personally but it still bothers me. Not because of my ego or anything like that, because the fitness industry has turned into one big glamour contest.

Yes, I am a trainer. I am a certified group instructor. I got my start teaching PiYo, I have training in yoga, and I'm a kickboxing instructor, and I play hockey. Am I a size 0? Hell no.

Although, why is that even relevant? Does my credibility as a trainer decrease because I have a booty? Is your session with me going to be less intense because I'm not a size 0? It's sad that some people actually believe that.

When I look at trainers Instagram's and everything now-a-days, it just seems like one big show. Isn't that how Instagram is for most of us now? You see the highlight reel. You don't see the whole story, you don't see someone's whole life---reality.

What this guy didn't see is that I was working 18 hour days in between my many jobs. What he didn't see was the stomach issues I had been battling for 5 years from a traumatic incident when I was traveling in 2011, which resulted in it being extremely hard for me to break a plateau. What he didn't see was how I struggled with crippling anxiety at this point in my life due to a toxic relationship. All he saw was my exterior and made a harsh and unfair judgement.

Now I'm not unhealthy, I wouldn't even classify myself as overweight, but I'm definitely more soft in areas than I might like to be. I don't have a 6 pack, and my booty still jiggles when I walk. My credibility and my worth as a trainer were shot down so instantly because of my dress size and the fact that I don't have 300K followers on Instagram and I don't go to nekter everyday for a green smoothie-----basically I was not this generation's definition of what a trainer "should be". All I picture is some spray tanned bombshell holding a nekter smoothie heading into soul cycle. And there isn't anything wrong with that, but then why is there something wrong with my definition of a trainer?

The pressure put on trainers, especially in Orange County is ridiculous. Scratch that, the pressure all women face is ridiculous. We are teaching the generation that comes after us that they are not good enough if they aren't and Instagram icon and don't have the "perfect body"....who do we have little girls looking up to right now? Without bashing any celebs by name, do we really want to teach young women that they NEED to have the perfect hourglass shape so they need to wear a waist trainer all day long and crush their insides for vanity? We are teaching young women that their worth is solely based on how about probably 2% of the population looks. We are teaching them that "perfect" is possible and they need to kill themselves getting there, just to discover "perfect" will never be possible.

I'm a trainer, but I am also a friend, a sister, a daughter, a hockey writer, an artist, and many other things. I am a trainer, but that is not all of me. To those trainers who live, breath, eat, sleep fitness, more power to you---but that isn't me. I have so many interests, so many people in my life that I love and care about. So if I go out to dinner with a friend or have family night...I'm going to eat a piece of pizza and have some wine AND I'm not going to punish myself for it in the gym the next day. Fitness should never be a punishment, but that's how society advertises it right? "You are wrong, because you aren't a size 0 and you went to taco Tuesday....therefore you must punish yourself...make it right."

I am human. First and foremost. I have learned over the years to be kind to myself, and that is the hardest workout to master. I'm not writing this to tell you to go and eat 3 pizzas every week, I'm just saying...obviously everything in moderation, but it is ok to indulge, it is ok to treat yourself, partake in meals with loved ones. These are experiences you will look back on years to come, and you know what you don't want to remember? How everyone was talking about how good the food was at a certain restaurant---but you wouldn't know because you had a protein shake and just ordered water. You wouldn't slap a piece of bread out of a 7 year olds hand, would you? So why do we do it to ourselves?

My goal with The Knockout Collective is to provide a safe place for women to pursue fitness in its most real sense, it's most logical and rational sense. There are so many different types of bodies, why is just 1 beautiful? Well, it's not, but that is the lie that we feed into everyday as women.

There are certain parts of my body I want to work on and tone, but I'm still damn well going to have some poutine when I move to Canada. This is life. This is YOUR life. When you look back on your life in 20, 30 years, what will you remember? If it is fad diets and training until you pass out, I ask that you please try and change your view of fitness.

I want to experience my life and all the wonderful blessings it brings in its fullest. That is why fitness needs to be a lifestyle, not an obsession. Again, you cannot hate yourself fit. And there isn't anything wrong with wanting to lose a certain amount of weight or achieve a certain goal, but don't get lost in the lies of society in the process. It is all about creating healthy habits. Diet is absolutely crucial for overall health and fitness, but there's nothing wrong with enjoying good food and not feeling guilty about it. If you spend enough time laughing with friends, you can get abs....just sayin.

If you have a problem with my pant size as a trainer, that's a "you problem".

I might not be a Victoria's Secret model, but I can pick one up and squat one.

Photos by: Jerome Monte Di Ramos

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