Cavi

Not Too Much For Therapy

 

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another:

         “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself…..”

• C.S. Lewis

 

I could use a very typical metaphor in order to describe my excitement for featuring one of my best girls. “I was like a little girl on Christmas morning,” or “I was like a kid in a candy store.” I would say it was more akin to, “those damn pants fit now,” or “we actually are going on vacation,” or “it’s wine time!!” I mean, we are adults now.  This was an interview I would have to restrain myself from using all of the words that came to mind on friendship and sisterhood. This is the interview of a person I know very well, I know the stories for the most part, however, love and will probably always love hearing these stories of strength over and over again. This is an interview that had many parts omitted because if I tried to fit this girls life into one small forum…. Let’s just say a book should be written. I want to paint this picture of this beauty sitting in front of me, whom I get to call my best friend. Her tall frame and her broad shoulders can honestly carry the weight of the world, at times she does. She is sitting back contently in her chair, wind brushing her rad dark hair across her face. Her striking eyes can actually grab you and pull you in, and surprisingly enough, between her beauty and the way she carries herself, most people are intimidated by her. I can say with full confidence, I have had more moments of me dying laughing because she is such a nerd, she’s a bit clumsy at times, and she loves more fiercely than most people I know. I can go on, words come easy to me when thinking of her. I do hope you all enjoy getting to know my girl, understanding one thing, things are not always what they seem.

 

-----Let’s go straight out of the gate with, what got you into fitness?

 

“Well, honestly, to start, I did track and cross country in high school, and after high school, I worked two jobs, fell out of fitness, ya know? Then, my step dad passed away and my boyfriend at the time and I had broken up, so my mom got me a 24 Hour Fitness membership! Dude, I walked in there completely clueless, in sweatpants, a tank top, I don’t even think I had running shoes on!”

 

-----I immediately reply, “don’t tell me you went in wearing converse!” For the record, I really have nothing against people who wear converse to the gym, I just do not get it.

 

“No, I didn’t. But I did three free training sessions, learned from watching my mom, and it just sort of took off from there. It’s how I deal with just about anything in my life, at the time, losing my dad and my boyfriend, I just took it all out in the gym, that’s how I deal with life, and I have been doing that ever since.”

 

---- What would you say is your most difficult thing you struggle with as a mom?

 

She contemplates, takes a big deep breath and responds rather distraughtly, “I have to pick just one?”

 

“That I am never doing enough. You want to make sure you’re doing it right. When you reprimand a child or scold them, was that the right choice? Were those the right words? I mean, you need to scar them just enough to make them hilarious, but not too much for therapy. You gotta walk that fine line.”

 

----How do you view social media?

 

“I feel like it’s good and bad. I feel like it does take up way too much of our time. But, at the same time, it’s really a tool to stay connected to people you normally or otherwise do not talk to. I mean, if this was 20 years ago, I know I wouldn’t stay in contact with the people I do now. As far as maybe my kids go, I’m scared. I really do worry about what they hear and what they see. My kids are still young enough, we’re not there just yet, but when it is time, I plan to be very involved in all aspects of it.  I want to tell them to watch their posts or pictures, those don’t just go away. I guess all you really can do is teach them to be smart about it because everything is so instant.”

 

----What are some things that you find to be an issue that you, and many other women deal with all the time?

 

“A lot of comparison to skills, of not being as good at something as a man would be. Like when I worked at the gun range, I was met with that all the time!!!

    ‘You, you work here? You’re a girl! What are you going to teach me?!’

“I mean, a lot from older men too. Same thing with personal training, guys try to act like they know way more than you do. Also, when it comes to being able to fix things. I can do a lot of those things too. Even little things, like, opening a jar… just give me a second! I can freaking do it.”

 

----Side note: my girl Cavi, I swear has had an entire other life before she even hit 30. I ask her what were some of the jobs she has worked : gun range, bakery at costco, Trader Joe’s, different office jobs, a bridal company, a live in nanny, a hair salon, she’s worked at a country club, as a waitress, a bartender… I stopped her at that point!

 

----You can only wear one outfit for the rest of your life, what would it be?

 

“Leggings, a tank top, and some running shoes! I can go to the gym, I can play with my kids, and I'm comfortable, done! Plus, leggings make your ass look good!!”

 

---- What is one piece of advice you would give a woman who just does not want to go to the gym to workout?

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“You’ve gotta find something you love! Especially now!! There are SO MANY options to workout, whether it’s Barre or walking or lifting weights or cycling or kickboxing; you just have to find the one thing that works! Find the one that fits you, and just do it!!”

 

----Name 3 real tragedies you have had to overcome in your life.

 

“Losing my parents, that is something that was so hard. My step dad unexpectedly, my dad’s suicide, my mom to cancer very slowly; like that is a hard one and I’m not so sure that is something you overcome honestly. It’s for sure still there. It will be forever, it kinda gets a little bit better but never goes away. Plus, a relationship from hell once upon a time, that took a good chunk of my life away. I definitely learned lessons, some good some bad, but I had to pull myself out of that one. No one else was going to save me. Then finally, I would say losing friends, through death or even just disappearing. I have lost a couple who have passed away, talk about feeling mortal. These people are the same age as you. Some turn left when they should’ve turned right or made wrong choices; I’ve lost a lot actually.”

 

----What is your greatest fear?

 

“Losing my children. That’s a big one. Im pretty cautious with them. I am that kind of mom that sees the worst that’s going to happen. I’d like to say that I’m getting better about that, allowing them to have the bumps and bruises, but I am still scared.”

 

----What does it mean to you to be a part of this collective?

 

“I think it’s pretty badass. I love women empowering women. I have always felt very judged by many woman. Women in the gym, in cars passing by, at school; you feel like someone looks at you and it’s judgement rather than acceptance. You feel like people should love people for who they are, not hate them for who they aren’t. Just love, that’s what this is to me, just love.”

 

----What is your biggest dream?

 

“My biggest gym is to one day open up my own gym! I want a gym that encopmasses everyone, with a good juice bar, not a ‘juice-it-up’, with a nutrition shop with qualified people who can help you along your way, with motivation everywhere, with good music playing, great equipment, and I want trainers in there who do nothing but help and lift others up. Fun, I want it to be a place where people wake up and get stoked to go to the gym! Plus, great child care! Oh, fitness clothing in there as well, everything! One stop shop!”

 

----Finding women as friends as an adult…. Why is it so hard? Do you ever feel like it’s just you?

 

“No, all of us feel that way. It is tough. It’s tough with kids, schedules; plus finding someone who is on your level. When you do find someone who is though, you don’t ever let them go. I don’t care, you’re mine forever. Especially with stay at home moms, they just need adults, friends, and connection.”

 

----I chime in with my feeling of watching some of the parents of my kids friends or classmates, and I just don’t get it. Am I doing something wrong? I never have friends who are my kid’s friend’s parents. But I show up to the same events, I am not shy, I love talking to people. It’s hard to make friends as an adult.

 

---In all honesty, how do feel people perceive you? What is something you would want to improve on?

 

“I have been told my entire life that I am very intimidating, and really don’t understand why. Anytime I start to maybe talk to a new person, or do actually make a new friend I hear, ‘oh my gosh I am so glad you’re nice, I was so scared of you, I was so intimidated by you.’ I mean, why, I am a nice person! I don’t know if it’s like, my face, or my tattoos. I mean, listen, I have actually been written up at work before because I walk with too much attitude! (Shocking by the way, I say sarcastically. I mean if you’ve ever seen her walk, it’s entirely true. Picture someone walking up with their crew before an epic dance battle, yeah, Cavi is the leader.) It’s just how I walk. By the way, I wouldn’t change anything or improve on anything!”

 

----Who have been some knockouts in your life who have inspired you to be who you are today?

 

“My mother, first and foremost. She is one that taught me everything. Whether I listened or not, she was a very strong and very smart women, If I could be half the woman she was, then I am doing something right.”

 

----Ok, set up for this next part guys, I cried and I honestly had no clue that the next words were about to come out of her mouth!!

 

She continues: “You. Very much so. Seeing how you conquer life, no matter how difficult it is, raising three beautiful, caring children, that I could not love more even if they were my own. How you and Nick never gave up on your relationship, and here you are now married and making big changes, and it’s just a beautiful thing. You never claim to be perfect. You never change, you’re always the same person.”

(enter more tears here)

 

----What advice would you maybe give your 15 year old self?

 

“Don’t think you know it all! Keep your eyes open, and see people for who they are and not who you want them to be. DO MORE, life is too short!”

 

----If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

 

“I feel like it changes from day to day! I feel like super speed would be great. Like, I want to get everything done all at once, I can have more time to spend with my family. I would love the ability to be invisible once in a while too.”

 

----What makes you a knockout?

 

“The fact that I get back up every time I get knocked down. I have gone through quite a few ugly things in my life, I might be down there for a little while, but I always get back up.”

 

That’s my girl.

This girl helps me celebrate life when it’s good, and she stands by me when it’s bad. What more do you really need from your girl? Oh, her and her husband do cook a lot for myself and my family, so that is a huge plus. Basically, I have scored the jackpot, and I am completely aware of it. From this amazing girl, to Hannah our other Co-Founder of this site, to Alona, I am honestly the lucky one to have such a badass girl gang surrounding me. Cavi has taught me what it meant to be a part of something that is unlike any other relationship out there. A friendship between girlfriends I had lacked my whole life, the real kind, Cavi showed me what it was like. I hope you all get a chance to meet her if you have not, or get a chance to have a girlfriend in your life like her. They do not happen twice in a lifetime.

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Interviewed by: Emily Bishop 

Photography: Eric Spraker