Old Soul Problems

"Wow, you're 25?"

"You really do not fit in with your generation."

"You were born in the wrong time period."

I've heard it all, and honestly, I take each and every one as a compliment.

My prized possession is my record player and collection of records, I daydream of what it would be like to walk in Claudette Colbert's shoes, and Sinatra is constantly playing in my house.

I find myself hanging out with people much older than I am because I frankly get too annoyed with people my own age. I don't relate. I would much rather spend time on a patio listening to old records with a glass of scotch and a cigar than go to a club.

I've always said that if I had the money to open up a restaurant I would open an old school dinner and dancing place with a live band, dance floor, and cocktail tables with solo tea lights and cigar ash trays everywhere.

I quote old movies with my mom all the time and it is like our own language. Now that I'm in Ontario, we have to do that over text... lol.

I take pride in being an old soul. I see the world differently, people differently, and truly value things that seem to have been lost with age.

That being said, being an old soul comes with its fair share of problems. One of the main ones being dating.

One thing that absolutely blows my mind is how little genuine romance exists now....hell, most guys my age don't even know the meaning and gesture of walking curb-side. Now that's not to say there aren't any old school gentlemen, I know there are-- but they are few and far between in my experience-- at least my age.

I saw something the other day that said "being an old school romantic in a hookup culture is a special kind of hell", and ain't that the truth!

Dating is hard in general and if you're like me, it gives you anxiety lol. I'm a bit gun shy. I've been through the ringer with past relationships and I always find myself sitting across from my mom asking, wondering, why it is so hard for me to connect with people.

Its a weird emotion, and being a writer and a journalism major, I naturally take to paper to try and figure it out and process it. I had a teacher in high school who understood this, and me and encouraged me to start writing, and for that I will forever be grateful.

(I know for Emily as well as myself we find solace in writing....clearly. And for anyone going through any kind of struggle or anything is weighing on you, I suggest giving writing a try, you might surprise yourself with what comes out.)

5 years ago tomorrow I got engaged. That engagement ended for reasons I will not disclose, and I truly wish him all the best. While dealing with the heartbreak of that I wrote this, and once again I find myself in the same position, wondering if this generation has abandoned what made dating and romance so great:

I do declare!

that today will be a day of change.

today, I am from another era.

yes, that’s it.

I am from a time when time itself was of the essence.

I am from a time when things were the way we intended them to be,

before we went and messed it up.

I am not speaking of a certain circumstance or love story.

on the contrary.

I speak of life the way it was when conversations were to be had face to face.

when dinner and dancing honestly meant dinner followed by artistic movement with structure.

when letterman’s jackets were all the rage.

when there were no worries of anyone else.

the moment was of the essence and the essence of the moment was two people in love.

I declare

that today I will be British.

after all, everything sounds much nicer when spoken in an accent.

even the most horrid thing can sound charming when spoken in an accent.

I will be british because it seems every great love story seems takes place in europe.

I declare,

that today I am a one woman army charging into the lions den clothed in a dress of filet mignon.

couture of course.

what is the point of fear?

Is it a state of mind created by those who want to avoid their happiness?

fear is an unnecessary pain, a self indulgent addiction

I declare,

that today I will make a stand.

I will dance with my demons.

kiss them with kindness.

and oh so graciously, show them the door.

I declare!

that today my mother will kiss my forehead and say there will be days like this.

that today my declaration is my vow of submission to a life of abolition.

abolition of boredom, restrains, and those too afraid to join me.

my ammunition, solely my ambition.

I declare!

that today I make no apologies.

that today is a day of change.

tomorrow i will be from a new era with a new accent

each day and every day my declaration will stand true

I do declare! that today I am a true patriot for the high school sweethearts, the 60 year anniversaries and the bouquet of peonies that seem to make running through hell, not just worth it, but both beautifully and horribly sacred.

I am a patriot for my story and every story.

My declaration being my thesis for the unwritten narrative.

My Grandfather whom I never met used to say to my mom: "Other women are broads, but your mother is a lady" -- a cut above the rest.

Being an old soul can feel like a one sided battle--you and that vintage way of life against the world. I get that. Call me Ted Mosby, but I believe that this is the way it should be-- and I'm not going to cater to this hookup culture. Chivalry might be dead but I intend to stay a lady nevertheless.

So no, I won't be "running through the six" while I'm here. I gave bumble a try and just found that just frustrating. Apparently unsolicited dick pics are seen as a romantic gesture to some guys, call me old fashioned, but I'd prefer flowers.

#dating #oldsoul #realtalk #toronto #bumble