Don't Let Time Be A Fear

I have come through some crazy mom things in 14 years. Some absolutely normal, like potty training, first days of school, and insomnia. Still others are different, only because that’s special to my story. But no matter what the situation is or was, I have really tried very very hard to fight against time and show my girls that I value them as the individual humans that they are.

About 5 months or so ago, I had one of those moments that just hit like a ton of bricks. Of course, or at least in my experience, whenever I have those moments, everyone around cannot understand the gravity of why I feel the way I feel about what I’ve come across. Wait, that’s just being a woman? Ok, ok, fair enough.

However, I had this realization that my daughters were getting older, fast. I know, I know, duh Emily! Right? But it just set in, became real, and knocked off my baby blinders. You know those blinders mom’s, the ones that you have thinking your kids will NEVER grow up and get older and make you think you have all the time in the world? Those ones. I looked at my oldest, Marie, and realized, as she is now a freshman in high school, that in a few short years she will be 16 and able to drive herself everywhere.

It scared me, actually kept me up at night. Had I taught her all she needed to know? Had I shown her a good example of how to conduct yourself in the world, while driving a vehicle ( the answer is 100% no to that one), or how to trust your instincts? I was out of time! Only, I wasn’t. I still am not, but when I got to the root of what my new feelings were as a mom, I realized, I was missing a kid that was still standing right in front of me.

So away we went, on a 2 day escape up the coast of California. I loaded my 14 year old up into my husband’s truck, packed it with blankets, pillows, snacks and we just started to drive Pacific Coast Highway. We traveled through the Malibu Canyon, got to see most of San Luis Obispo, Morro Bay, and enjoyed a drive in movie in Santa Barbara. As I am not a California native, there are so many places I have not traveled to. I’ve always wanted to just drive North. I seized the opportunity.

We even slept in the truck to save a few bucks, and trust me when I say, I should not have done that even in my 30’s. She woke up like a baby duck ready to play and I woke up as stiff as the crypt keeper vaguely speaking english and only repeating the word ‘coffee’ over and over. Even the nice man who served us our coffee at Starbucks asked if I had had a rough night. Ego slightly bruised, as well as my right hip from the seat belt buckle burrowing it’s way into my skin all night, I created a time and space for my daughter and I to just be exactly that, my daughter and I.

She felt safe enough to ask me some tough questions, I had a chance to share some things with her I had, in any other circumstance, probably would not have brought up. Now, moms, you don’t have to torture yourself by sleeping in a cramped truck, nor do you have to run away, although I highly recommend spontaneous trips with them, it shows them they are worth the effort in that way, but I do recommend special set aside time to be open and vulnerable with your kids. I saw this ‘thing’ in my daughter, a realization that I could still be her mommy, but I could also be a fallible human with issues, life’s lessons learned, wrong at times (only sometimes) and unafraid to be me.

I will never forget that trip. Her feet up on the dashboard, singing along to every word of all her favorite songs. Her smile when she saw the ocean in pristine condition, her most favorite stuffed animals still by her side ( only at bedtime though), and her holding my hand as we just went on an adventure together.

#moms #momlife #parenting #kids #travel